TWEEEET

Since switching to a BlackBerry (because I lost my phone) and subscribing to unlimited social networking and BlackBerry messaging service, a lot of people online have been getting on my nerves lately. Of course they don't know it and I won't mention names, but they deserve to know what they're doing wrong. Let's start with Twitter.

1. Using usernames that have "itsme" or "iam" (or "akosi" in Filipino) in them. Because unless you're a celebrity, you're not the John Michael that the masses should be clamoring to follow but really just another John Michael on Twitter. Leave such usernames to Leighton Meester and Ruffa Gutierrez.
2. Retweeting (or quoting) instead of simply replying. Because it's like shouting to an entire room what you should only be saying—normal, non-palengkera tone of voice—to one person.
3. The misuse of hashtags. Hashtags are used to categorize tweets, join in on a conversation about a trending topic, or make your tweet extra witty (note emphasized word). They should be brief, consisting of a maximum of four simple words with no conjunctions, and they should never be used on Facebook status updates, but I digress.
4. The use of the word "mode."
5. The profuse appearance of a colon followed by two closing parentheses which on Yahoo! Messenger would turn into the laughing emoticon () but which on Twitter wouldn't, and since it wouldn't, I have to imagine the tweeter repeatedly laughing his or her head off like the emoticon. And that simply isn't a pretty picture.
6. The use of tweet condensers like TwitLonger. It's cool to use them once in a while, but if you have to do so with almost every single tweet, maybe you should consider moving to Tumblr.
7. And lastly, saying (yes, saying too, not just tweeting) "twit" when you mean "tweet." Look up the meaning of the first word. Unless you want to be called that, say this with me: TWEEEET.

Individually, these can be tolerated but make them all come together in the person of someone who tweets like there's no tomorrow, like every action he or she takes must be documented and broadcast, it's maddening. Even more so if the person's an otherwise decent friend. So dear friends whom I follow on Twitter, please tweet properly. I don't want my respect for any of you to diminish on account of your irritating tweets.

TWEEEET.