There are different kinds of people you may encounter at the cinema. There are those who like to put their feet up on the seats in front of them, regardless of whether the seats are occupied or not. Those who can't seem to keep their mobile phones inside their pockets or bags for longer than 10 minutes. Those who dare to bring half a dozen kids inside but can't control them when they get rowdy. And those who, like a special edition DVD, provide a play-by-play commentary of the film, pointing out things that might otherwise be unnoticeable to their friends with substandard intelligence, even giving a bunch of spoilers to brag about having read the book on which the movie was based.
There are those who would react violently when faced with the aforementioned behaviors. There are those would simply transfer seats to avoid confrontation... And then there are those who would long-sufferingly endure such behaviors because the movie has already started and few seats are left for the picking.
Julia, Aurea and I were in that last category the Saturday we went to SM Bacoor to watch part two of the final 1 movie. We only chose the place because instead of our entire high school gang, only the three of us were going and we didn't want to plan our trip too carefully lest it not push through at all (we all know spontaneous trips have a higher chance of actually happening than very carefully planned ones). We like the mall because of its accessibility, but not having gone there in a while, we totally forgot the different levels of uncouth behavior one may encounter in it.
Several of those different levels came that Saturday in the person of someone I'll simply refer to as Girlie. My friends and I entered the cinema a tad late, but we don't remember Girlie being behind us already at that time nor can we recall when she came in. Three minutes of having her behind us, however, was enough to inspire us to conceive several methods of disrupting her cephalocaudal orientation.
Girlie wouldn't shut up.
"Bakit mo ako tinatawanan? Kasi magugulatin ako? (Why are you laughing at me? Because I'm jumpy?)" said Girlie, despite the absence of the faintest chortle from her companion, during the Gringotts scenes with the dragon and that one where the Gemino curse on Helga Hufflepuff's cup is activated by Harry's touch. We almost started thinking Girlie was actually alone and mentally challenged and was only speaking to herself.
"Paano nga ba siya namatay? (Tell me again how he died?)" asked Girlie about Dumbledore. Just one of the many foolish questions she asked about Harry Potter...when she wasn't talking about herself and her jumpiness and her excitement over the film...which she seemed to know so little about. We doubted she even knew Dumbledore's name. Or Voldemort's. Or Harry's, Ron's or Hermione's. We doubted she had seen part one of the film. Or any of the films in the series at all. A smart moviegoer seeing part two of any film would either research in advance or just shut up during the movie itself so she can actually follow the storyline. Obviously, Girlie hadn't done the former and showed no signs whatsoever of doing the latter.
Halfway through the movie, Girlie, thankfully, left her seat to pee. We along with other humans in a 5-meter radius heard her when she told her companion. That was the last we would hear from her for quite some time.
The battle between Hogwarts and Voldemort's army had just concluded when I noticed a flustered girl three or four rows before us trying to find her seat using her cell phone as a flashlight. I paid her no mind but moments later Julia whispered to me that it was Girlie. She was gone for too long, she had apparently forgotten where her seat was. We weren't sure if she had met with someone outside the cinema or had some tummy trouble, but she admitted to neither when she spoke again with her companion.
"Ayyy, may anak na sila? (Oh, they have kids already?)" asked Girlie during the final scene while she was returning to her seat and I was forcing a tear out of my eye (Transformers: Dark of the Moon was more moving, Julia said, and I agreed though I haven't even seen the movie.)
"OBVIOUSLY!" I remarked loudly before I could stop myself. Julia and, I could vaguely remember, a couple of others behind me laughed. Girlie, however, didn't seem to notice.
We found out later on that Girlie's companion was a dude. We doubted he was a friend or a relative of some sort, because if he were either, he would have found a way to make her tone it down at the least. Maybe it was their first date and had it not been simply in his nature to be polite he would have made a run for it already. Or maybe he was actually the reason the girl was gone from the cinema for almost an hour—a phone call to a friend to call Girlie and pretend he was a family member who had met an accident, or maybe a hint of laxative in their merienda. Whatever the case may have been, bless his soul. Most Patient-Slash-Cleverest Date meets Thickest, Most Annoying Moviegoer.